Thursday, November 14, 2019

Another Step Forward as a Writer

I have entered the quagmire of being a writer, experiences analyzed defining what I will do next. I avoid the deep because that isn't where I want to go when I go down my own rabbit hole. I want adventure, thrills and fun. That took awhile for me to appreciate, when I was a kid I was scared of roller coasters. Now I am an aficionado, well I was, maybe not anymore, I already defeated that hill of fear but I will still accept a ride on an interesting roller coaster. And to this day I still warmly remember my dad saying it's okay that I don't want to ride the roller coaster as a kid being chided by my old sisters and cousins.

I am amazed on how much money I can now survive on. That took practice, I didn't come from big money but my upbringing gave me a close look at life at the top from a very young age even though that wasn't my life. I did the things that I could replicate how those people got to that point. I actually made it to the, I think it was 2%, because even I was surprised by it.

But damn were their people that hated that fact. I mean downright hate, the real stuff where people spend so much of their own time hating you for it that I think it sends Ravens. Don't get me started on that one. I fought for the good and the good life through it all, every turn, every up and every down and sometimes damn, I mean, my head was just above water. The one I trusted enough to marry had let me and our three kids down to satisfy his own perverted sexual desires. I had become the valiant knight my kids could rely on but the fight against the hate of succeeding at that made things that had gotten better, worse.

I didn't understand that these people weren't kids anymore, they had made their decisions about what they would do for work in their lives and so had I. I just spent more time being a starving student to get where I got. But I wanted to live with everyone else, you know, where I started. My hood, we all have one. I'm pretty sure at this point that I represented in their minds the one that meant they hadn't done enough with their own lives. Their own sadness, guilt, laziness, whatever. So they attacked and attacked and I ignored them, then I fought back, then I did the civil thing and it ended everything finally and I even got one apology from one of those lunatics.

So I wished for a happy ending after all that drama and frankly real pain and suffering. People are crazy, they are and we all have to live through that. But this felt over the top, like too many things did but I got through them all. Or so I thought.

Okay wait, I have to admit, I have had more than a few drinks and some weed too. Don't worry I can handle it and I always do. I am known for it in places I am known. Anyway, these additions have me rambling and I just might delete this tomorrow, who knows? I've deleted a few things. But I think my track record for not deleting what I posted is way bigger.

Okay back to it, so off I went having slain the dragon again and another dragon came nonetheless. After that dragon, frankly the fire was too hot and too much and the dragon won. So I fell down and down and down until I landed into all I have left is writing to survive. Literally, survive. Yep that last dragon took away everything and all I had was my computer, literally. I don't even have an ID anymore but police don't look at people like me. For those that think it's my color they are wrong, it's my age. They stop hassling you once you grow older because young people, you are for the most part the trouble makers and the start to real criminals, so police focus on you.

That's two Okays, so I won't be doing another one. Okay, wait, why does that word keep popping up? Do I want your acceptance, approval? Of course I do, I'm a writer, without you the last thing on earth I can do will lead to nothing and nowhere.

But what have I learned almost one year; I am literally close to my January 29th one year anniversary at being an indie author. First, you need marketing money, when I had it my success was going through the roof and when I didn't they went to crickets.

So I am going to finish my science fictions series that I'm working on now and almost to the end of book two, and then I am going to write screenplays. I need less money to enter contests for screenplays then it takes to keep up the marketing on books every month. It doesn't mean I won't write more novels, it just means I am taking a break from writing novels. I need to get back what was wrongly ripped from me by criminals that had zero morality as no criminal has. Maybe they do if they are ever reformed, but they surely don't when they are still engaged in being a criminal.

I digress again so yah i might delete this tomorrow No tags, no push, just this post, my writers rabbit hole fueled by chemicals as well as society and my own messed up experiences. Can't believe  kid who was 15 became a school shooter today it makes me want to drop everything and go around to schools and tell my story of not giving up despite the odds and always being in the fight no matter what happens. That is the writer's life too so I fit right in with this group.


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